


Bouts of Depression

by lordjenjen



Category: South Park
Genre: Depression, Kyle is a nerd, M/M, More like Bipolar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 05:11:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9477065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordjenjen/pseuds/lordjenjen
Summary: Stan gets depressed sometimes.





	

Bouts of Depression

 

It didn't happen frequently, but it happened often enough and it was always a gradual build up. It always started with his cynicism. He always saw things as shit, it just varied in degrees. When all music sounded like shit, he knew it was coming. It would go from music, to food and build up until everyone looked and sounded like shit. On those days, he would just not leave his bed. What was the point?

A doctor had diagnosed him as depressed, but the meds didn't help, so Stan just didn't take them. Instead, staying home was the best option. This of course would just piss his friends off because he would cancel plans, but they just learned to accept it.

Or so Stan thought. 

Stan had text Kyle and cancelled their movie plan and was prepared for at least two days of being sick when Kyle himself had shown up. Stan watched as the redhead walked into his room, closing the door behind him, and made himself at home. As he pulled out a textbook and notebook, Stan realized Kyle was settling down to do homework. 

“What are you doing?” Stan asked, not pleased with having to talk. 

“Homework.”

Stan was quiet for a moment, hoping he could convey his feelings without speech. If this were a normal day, Stand and Kyle would have been sassing each other by down, bit it wasn't. 

“I see that. Why are you doing homework in my room?”

“Many reasons. My parents are fighting so it's quieter here. It needs to be done. And because I wanted to spend time with my best friend. I don't care what we are doing. Is it going to to bother you? I'm not going to talk or anything.”

“It's fine I guess.” 

“Thanks, dude.” Kyle picked up his pencil and began working on his homework.

Stan watched him for a bit. Kyle kept to his word and didn't talk, he just wrote town math answers. And when his math homework was done, he started on his science. Stan knew his friend was a nerd, but he did his homework for every subject, even pulled out his book and read. 

The silence between them wasn't awkward or heavy. Stan found it to be kind of nice. In the six years since Stan's cynicism reared its shitty head, he felt like maybe he could cope better with days like this. He didn't feel like his normal self, but the world didn't feel as bleak either.

As 8pm rolled around, Kyle packed his bag and left without saying a word. Stand rolled over in bed and went to sleep. When he saw Kyle in school on Monday, the other didn't mention anything about Saturday. Stan was grateful for not having to talk to Kyle about his depressed state.

The next time it happened, he had to cancel his date with Wendy, who in turn broke up with him again. Stan couldn't bring himself to be upset over it. He ignored the next few texts he received, choosing, instead to stare at his door.

His staring contest was broken when Kyle walked in with his book bag. Neither boy said a word as Kyle dove into his homework. This simple task captured Stan's attention. He watched as the other wrote, the movement and sound of the pencil on the paper was captivating. When, Kyle was thinking deeply, Stan noticed he would stick just the tiniest tip of his tongue out. Just like before, Kyle pulled out a book and started reading once done. He wasn’t surprised when the redhead just up and left after 8pm.

Stan didn’t make up with Wendy. He realized he didn’t want to. 

It was a good four months before his next break down. He was actually disappointed because it happened on a school day. Normally he was glad when it was a school day, he could stay home sick and no one would care. This time, however, a little bit of disappointment broke through the bleak feeling.

A door opened and shut. Stan paid it no attention. Instead he continued to stare at a blank spot on his wall. His door opened, tearing his gaze away from the wall. Kyle walked in, closing the door behind him. Stan looked at his clock in his night stand. 10:19am.

“Kyle.”

“Don’t worry dude. I went to each of our classrooms and got our homework. You’d be surprised at what teachers will do for a star student. A few of them are going to email me their lesson plans, so it’s fine.”

“You’re skipping school.”

“More like, home schooling myself.”

“Your mom is going to be pissed.”

“Maybe, but I don’t have to deal Cartman at lunch or Testaburger during AP classes. I’ll count it as a win.”

Kyle didn’t see the slight upturn of Stan’s lips at the use of Wendy’s last name. Stan knew he hated Wendy ever since they started high school. She was always trying to be number one. When she wasn’t the best, she turned into a bitch. Since it was Kyle who was constantly better than her, Kyle had to deal with Stan’s rants about her and her aggression towards him. He was glad when Wendy broke up with him and they didn’t get back to better.

Kyle took off his jacket and hat, the latter came as a shock to Stan, before sitting, leaning his back against the side of the bed. Like usual, he pulled out his homework and began working on it. Stan went back to his wall stare down, the sound of writing filled the air. Stan liked it.

At some point Kyle went to the kitchen, and came back, setting a drink down on the night stand for Stan. He sat back down, leaning against the bed again, this time closer to where Stan was lying. Stan began thinking of his best friend. The boy’s hair was so bright and curly, it reminded him of fire. He wondered if he ran his fingers through the hair, if it would burn. He knew it wouldn’t but he still wanted to touch it.

So he did.

He ran his fingers through the curls. It felt nice so he did it again playing with the hair. Kyle never said a word.

Stan started thinking, a feeling growing in him. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it felt good.

“Thank you,” Stan said quietly, still playing with the other’s hair.

“You’re welcome.”

Stan had loads of time to think between episodes. Every time he had one, Kyle showed up without fail. Every time, Stan felt a little bit of emotion through the numb feeling. When he wasn’t feeling bleak, he would think on this. Normally he felt nothing, but Kyle made him feel something. He wondered if someone else showed up, if he would feel the same or different. It’s not like he could ask his friends to test it out, though. Instead he pondered on it.

It was a year after Kyle started showing up when he was in a mood. The teen was sitting on the floor and Stan was running his fingers through his hair. He could feel the redhead’s tip forward a bit before it jerk backed and he would go stiff. It was only 5pm, but Stan knew Kyle was stressing over midterms. Not to mention his mother was pressuring him to get into an Ivy League college, so he had been in SAT and ACT tutoring classes not to mention a “How to get into College” course. They weren’t even going to be taking the tests until the next year, but his mother wanted him prepared. Kyle was tired.

“You should take a nap,” Stan suggested.

“I need to finish this.”

“You’re falling asleep anyways. Just come take a nap. You can finish later.”

Kyle huffed and crawled onto Stan’s bed behind him. “Fine, but wake me up in a few hours.”

Kyle’s head barely hit the pillow before he was asleep. Stan rolled over and stared at his best friend. He took everything in as if he was seeing his friend for the first time. Kyle had tried taming his hair, but the curls were still there. It curled gently against his face, Stan wanted to tuck it behind his ear. He did so before running his finger across the the others cheekbone and down his nose. His fingers hovered over the other's lips. He didn't know where this was coming from.

He almost missed the slight upturn of Kyle's lips.

“You want to kiss me?” 

Stan looked into Kyle's deep emerald eyes. “Yeah.”

Kyle leaned in and kissed Stan. Instantly Stan knew the feeling. 

“Dude,” Stan whispered, dumping all of his emotions into one word.

Kyle smiled. “Dude.”

That one word told Stan everything he needed to know. He smiled a little.

“Go back to sleep. We can talk later.”

Kyle kissed Stan's forehead before settling into his nap again. He knew things wouldn't always be okay. But things were about to be better.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not trying to over glorify depression. I do not encourage you to stop taking your meds. I am simply using what it's like for me as a bases for Stan's. 
> 
> If you feel like you could suffer from depression or bipolar, please talk to a doctor about it. Tell them everything so you can get help and get better. You deserve to be the best you you can be. There is no shame in having any kind of mental illness. There is no shame in having to take a medication. Don't feel ashamed. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. And take care of yourselves.


End file.
